I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
