i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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