Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
