Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
