I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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