have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
