Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You're like the curious george of whores
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
