Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
