This is not my ceiling
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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