I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
