a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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