she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
