Need sex. Gaining weight.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
