just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
