hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
