Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
