so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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