my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Let's paint friendship bongs
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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