Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
