i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
