i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
