okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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