Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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