Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
