I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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