I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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