before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We're too hungover to prance.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
