i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
