i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Houston, we have a blender
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
