i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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