i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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