So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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