youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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