I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
