worst night to have a conscience
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
