Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
