Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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