There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
