I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
