omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
