I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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