you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
