mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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