i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
