Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
