Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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