How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
