Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
