I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
