id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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