this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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